Four Months

Lately I feel like I'm drowning. I don't say this to be dramatic, I say it to be real. Coco is four months old now (if you didn't pick that up from the post title), and things are easier, and yet harder, than ever. I have too much on my plate. I know I have too much on my plate, but there is nothing for me to do but work through it and try to deal. As a person who has always functioned extremely well under high-stress circumstances, I find this floundering feeling to be completely foreign and anxiety inducing. This isn't to say I haven't cracked before, because I have all the time. Cracking has become a regular part of how I function. I stress, I overwork, I put things off, I stress some more, I breakdown, freakout, cry, feel better, and repeat. I considered (well, I still usually do) myself a high-functioning mess. I could champion stress. I could make stress my motivator. Stress pushed me onwards and without it I didn't know what to do. Relaxing is a freaking joke to me. And yet despite all of this, lately I feel myself losing it, slipping into the realm of lost and terrified that if I stop paddling against the current pushing back at me, I'll go under and never come up again. I have never allowed myself anything less than (at least attempted) perfection, I have found this to be my greatest weakness and my greatest strength, but functioning is different when you are surrounded by things you can't control, like a baby, an anxious dog, and a boyfriend with depression, and lord knows I don't like being out of control. I control everything, and when I stress I get worse. Everything gets worse. My anxiety skyrockets, and my OCD, which I make jokes about and consider mild at best, turns into an actual problem. And no, I don't mean the "haha I can only write in blue or it drives me crazy" OCD, or the, "lol my house is so neat, I'm just so OCD" kind of mockery people make out of OCD, but I mean waking up at 3am and remaking the bed because the blanket isn't aligned with the sheets anymore, or not being able to eat something unless it is made, served, and eaten in a very specific and usually agonizingly time consuming manner. I feel like a dick for telling my friends that I have no time to hang out because I'm so swamped, but until they have a kid, a house to clean, a business to run, and a blog to keep up, there is no earthly way for them to understand me. Sometimes I try to force myself to do something therapeutic with my free time, like reading, but that's not even enjoyable because I am still reading this damn book that I am growing to hate and find no joy in, but I can't start something else until I finish that book because I just can't. 

Excuse me while I exhale.

Here are some cute family photos.

I love my life, I do, but sometimes it is also so suffocating. 

I am surrounded with laundry that needs to be done as I type this and it is nagging at me like a mosquito that won't leave you alone and keeps zipping by your ears, you know at some point it's going to get you, but it's impossible to know when.

When Hair Ties Meet Adulthood

It is rare that I will approach a company about a collaboration. I usually wait for people to come to me. I often just don't feel truly inspired by anything enough to suggest styling an item. There are a handful of companies/people that I repeatedly work with (read: Loly in the sky, Adorned By Chi), but otherwise I tend to post what I wear and wait for people to hit me up. It's not the most effective, but I have a baby, so I don't really care. 

Enter Bela Bracelets. 

I was casually scrolling through my Insta feed the other day and I came across this photo of @sandyalamode wearing bracelets to hold her hair ties. I was stunned. Why isn't everyone wearing these? These things are freaking genius! They're revolutionary! They'll save the world! (Ok, maybe not that last one, but the others.) I immediately hit up the lovely people behind Bela Bracelets (two sisters, if you were curious) and suggested a collab, not really expecting them to be interested since Sandy has basically a million more followers than I do. 

Plot twist: they were totally down, and thus this review (and giveaway!) were born.

Too Many Photos

As I'm sure you can tell by the title of this post, it most likely contains too many pictures. The outfit is simple and not really needing more than a handful of pics for you to appreciate it, digest the details, and move on. The location, while pretty, is also simple and doesn't require long stints of staring to soak up the details of the architecture or the way the lines move with the outfit. Overall, it is a casual summer outfit and that's that. However, I was feelin' myself in a crop top for the first time since I've had Coco, and I actually really like how these photos came out so I slapped a whole bunch in here. (Then I deleted one, but there are still about 5 more than you probably need, oh well. Deal with it.)

My #1 Posing Tip

I have taken a lot of blog photos in my short time as a blogger. We all have. Even if you don't blog, I'm willing to bet you've had photos taken of you on numerous occasions. And I'll let you in on a little secret here that no one ever believes, *wait for it*, I hate having my picture taken. Oh yes, it's true. For those of you new to my blog you won't know that I used to take all my photos by running in front of my tripod with the self-timer on, and later with a little remote. It was stupid and exhausting, but I am basically the only person I trust to take my photos. Enter M. Three years of dating and I pretty much have him perfectly trained in the art of the outfit photo; #instagramhusband. He follows my directions almost flawlessly (he could use some work in the observation department, read: notice when my hair is weird or I have a peek-a-boo bra strap), and I am so comfortable with him that he now takes all my photos for me. But aside from him, I hate people pointing anything with a lens my way. True story. (And it took me a year to even attempt to let Michael take my photos.) However, even with all the comfort in the world between us (once you have someone's baby you pretty much can't get any more comfy. Saying, "baby will you fill up my vagina rinsing bottle? I forgot again and I'm already on the toilet," is a whole new level, let me tell you), I still notice a huge difference in my photos and the way I feel about them based on one thing and one thing alone. And yes, I'm going to make you read on to find out.

California Dreamin' :: Giveaway

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not the biggest fan of Washington. (I feel I've started many a post like this...) I prefer warmer climates and sunnier days. Last year around this time I made a solo road trip down to California, met some truly amazing women, and felt totally at home. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it whole-heartidly. So when the kind folks from Polette Eyewear asked if I'd like to style their limited edition California frame, I was more than down. The California Collection is infused with all the vibes of summer, and just begging to be worn on a long car ride with the top down or while you tan at the beach. The collection has both sunglasses and regular frames, and offers a ridiculous amount of customization. While I won't be doing any beach lounging or spontaneous road trips any time soon, I can still be California dreamin' in my sweet, sweet glasses. Read on for just how I customized my pair and the scoop on how you can get 50% off any Polette glasses of your choice!