Why I Took My IUD Out At Home

The medical system in America is a wreck. We all know this, and it shouldn't be news to anyone, if it's news to you then you need to do some serious opening of your eyes.

While I've never loved any of my medical experiences, I've never had such appalling treatment as I did recently here in Tucson. If you watch my instagram stories with any regularity, you've most likely heard what happened, but I wanted to address it here too, for anyone who missed it, or for those who wanted more details from a me that isn't whacked out with pain.

I want to stress that I'm not writing this to tell everyone to pull out their own IUDs (although you can do it yourself with very low risk of complication, just sayin'), but that I was so exhausted and angry and desperate for a even a chance of pain relief that I felt I had no other option. I have so much more understanding now for those who make rash decisions or "illogical" choices when faced with chronic pain, and negligence from medical professionals. What are you supposed to do when the people who are supposedly there to help you don't? You do it yourself. It's simple really.

In a time where we* are faced with the overwhelming burden with being our own advocates, social workers, medical professionals, and everything else, what do you expect us to do?

So, here's my story. But I want you to keep in mind that this isn't unique. The second I opened up about this on social media my DMs were flooded with similar tales. This happens all the time. All. The. Time. 

*And by we I mean non cis white men

#MeToo & #WhyIDidntReport

Sometimes things don't hit you until you can process them fully.

Sometimes we are so used to forcing things inside, deep inside to that place of denial and shame and self-blame, that we don't even think about them in a way that isn't distorted by society's dialogue of victim blaming.

Sometimes you go out to dinner and someone makes a joke about the #MeToo movement to your face and you wince a bit but brush it off and don't realize how much it really bothered you until you're telling your boyfriend about it on the drive home and break down crying.

Sometimes you cry all the way home and all of your past pain pours out of you and you have to go hug your mom.

Sometimes you call your best friend on the way to go hug your mom, and you share with her exactly what you just shared with your boyfriend and are about to share with your mom, and she shares with you too, and you open old wounds together, and it hurts, but it also heals.

Sometimes you need one final push to talk about things.

Because in a world where "I believe you," is a radical and life changing statement, we need each other's stories.

This is for all of you who have this same story, because it is so tragically not unique. For all of you who spoke your truth and felt the intense vulnerability, and possible backlash, that came with sharing. For all of you who can't share, or don't want to share, but know the pain all too well. For anyone who has ever felt scared of a man. For anyone who has felt shame about something that wasn't your fault. For those who have lost their voice, and for those who have found them. This is for all of you. For all of us who need this healing-pain.

Here is my story.

Brunch Babes Tucson

One of the things I am supremely thankful for here in my new home are the amazing new connections and friends I've made. I am so lucky to have matched with basically the coolest girl in Tucson for the brief stint that I was on Bumble BFF, because she has ended up truly being one of my closest friends, and without her I wouldn't have met any of the other fantastic people that have crossed my path. Oh wait! JK! I have one other friend I made on my own thanks to Tinder (check them out @styled_by_lorak on insta bc they are so talented!), so I guess I'm not totally co-dependant upon Hannah....just mostly. One of the many inspiring and impressive things she's done is create the group Brunch Babes Tucson, which is honestly all of my brunch dreams come true. It's a group that exists for badass femmes to meet and eat and share and create and, you know, brunch. It's exactly as cool as it sounds and I'm obsessed. This is the outfit I wore to our first meet up, which is why I'm babbling on about this haha.

Bisbee Escape Day 3

In my mind, I posted the three days of our Bisbee escape consecutively and promptly right after we went, as all good bloggers do, but I'm a mom so lol to that idea. My life has been extra hectic as of late and I have been staying at my mom's which has made everything topsy-turvy and non-ideal. (Not that I don't love my mom, but I'd rather be in my own home, because duh.) So here it is, my last outfit from our mini-vacation, which I swear on all that is holy I did not at all plan to match this vintage gas station. Crazy, right? It just ended up matching perfectly, like every other outfit I planned. Clearly it's a sign I need to go to Bisbee more often, yeah? Yes. The answer is yes.

Bisbee Escape Day 2

Out of the three outfits I planned for our getaway, this one by far got the most compliments. This may just be because we spent the majority of this day on foot visiting shops and being generally in public, or because it was just the best, but I suppose that can be for you to decide. Either way I did adore this combo and was happy to finally wear this hat again because it's my all time favorite and I for some reason tend to think it works much better on me when I have shorter hair.

Also shoutout to my mom who is the best instagramhusband and helped me drive around forever and scout the perfect photo locations for all my pictures and took all my boomerangs and was beyond helpful and patient and amazing. Moms, am I right? Moms. I could go on, but you feel me.